Summer’s not over yet

It’s Labor Day…the unofficial end of summer. Time to close up the pool, put away those outside lights and start preparing the lawn for a long, snowy winter. Yeah, no thanks.

Today I went for a haircut and color to rid myself of the reverse skunk- my dark roots shining through the blonde, ruining all that summer highlight. And I almost went back to the mousy brown, the boring plain drab and dull. It’s the end of summer, right? No need to keep the blonde going.

But why? Why do I have to go back and why can’t I continue with the sunshine? So I did. Went even blonder and shorter…because I can.

Thanks Karyn for refusing to let me settle!

Follow your bliss

In college, I had a friend who had a mantra- ‘Follow your bliss.’ We even had t-shirts made for her birthday with her picture and these inspiring words (I still have mine!). I never fully understood this phrase until this weekend when I did just that.

On Friday, I hosted Girls’ Night and about 10 in my amazing circle of women came for energy readings. We laughed and learned about the amazing possibilities that awaited us in the next year. Negative energy was eradicated in my home and things were set up for new opportunities to discover wealth and relationships. I didn’t tumble into my bed until 2:30am!

Then on Saturday, the excitement continued at another friend’s Block Party. The DJ sent us back to the 80s and 90s with song after song of my teenage wasteland. I danced nonstop for hours (7 to be exact), found a bounce in my step long forgotten (as well as a few moves on the basketball court I never even knew I had). Even Patrick Swayze would have been proud by my rendition of MJ’s The Way You Make Me Feel.

And on Sunday, I slept in (yes, I can’t handle two nights out), then attended my son’s best friends’ baseball game (they won!). When my lawnmower wouldn’t cooperate, I set my sights on my basement- with the negative energy cleared out, I was able to rid that space of stuff I don’t need. Fortunately, tomorrow is trash day.

I ended my day with a krya mediation class I’ve been eyeing for months. Using a visualization of light cascading down my body, I reached a moment of pure incandescent bliss and a tingling relaxation through my system. The simply amazing experience continued at home where I completed a kundalini routine to open my heart chakra. It’s open, cleansed, lightened and ready for those new possibilities!

So I must remark that this weekend was completely out of the ordinary for me. I never allow myself to follow MY bliss as I’m usually so caught up in fulfulling everyone else’s. Or else I’m too nervous to just go for it. But not this weekend. Nope, this weekend I adhered to the Apocalist…and will hopefully continue to do so!

How’s your spiritual development?

One of the main changes in my desire to pursue my desires has been my spiritual development. I’ve always believe in a higher power of some sort- angels, spirits, guides, heavenly energy, God- whatever word you feel most comfortable with or want to use. I’ve been fascinated by yoga, meditation and the energetic power among everthing. I’ve dreamed of pursuing a life of spiritual teaching and pursuits (think Eat Pray Love’s India’s chapters). Yet I’ve felt hindered by my surroundings, and basically fear that people would think I’ve gone off the deep end.

So I’ve been slowly attracting different people and activities into my life and introducting them to my world. And shockingly enough, it has been amazing!

A few months ago, I hosted a spiritual teacher’s discussion on Grace. About 9 friends attended and got so much out of her discussion (and the laughter until 1am helped as well). So I decided to continue and invited another colleague to my home tomorrow night to do energy readings. And the response again has been overwhelming- I have a waiting list of people who want a time slot.

So what are the lessons?

1.  Never underestimate your friends. Just because your inner fears and critic may tell you ‘they’ll laugh at you’, chances are they won’t. They are your friends for a reason.

2. Never stop growing. If you want to experience something, do it. Take the risk to learn and develop as it will open channels and avenues you’ve never imagined.

3. Believe. Whether you go to church or temple, pray/talk to some invisible being, or tap into the energy around you, do something that fosters your soul and connection to the divine.

So I’ll let you know how it goes this weekend and if I make it to the meditation class I signed up for on Sunday! Wish me luck!

A kitchen is the heart of a home

I hate my kitchen. Well…maybe hate is the wrong word. How about- strongly wish I could be picked for an HGTV remodeling show so they can just redo it for me? Is that an emotion? If not, it’s my attempt to use the law of attraction.

I’ve planned a remodel every year of the almost decade I’ve burnt meals in this room. Envisioned the cabinets, cut out magazine pictures and hit numerous home improvement stores. Yet I still have the outdated metal doors, puke green linoleum, and destroyed countertop (insert red face of embarrassment). This kitchen was popular in the 1950s and did come back ‘in’ again, but now in the 21st century, retro and nostalgia are ‘out’. Beyond out…like way way out.

So with Renovating My Kitchen on top of my Apocalist, I was so excited to begin picking out colors and shades of wood. Then I found out last week my hours were cut drastically for the summer (yeah notice that was halfway into the season so I had NO preparation). Fears of not paying my mortgage next month stressed me out, and then I wallowed for a few hours. Watched In the Land of Women (Meg Ryan is still so perky) and saw my kitchen- my dream kitchen. And thought, what the heck. Why not?

A few hours later, the high humidity and 90 degree heat almost made me pass out as I lathered bluish gray paint , leftover from other house projects, on the cabinets.  The following night I changed the walls to white and succeeded in reversing the kitchen showcased in the movie. Now all I need is a new countertop (easily found at the local bargain outlet store) and I can ignore the flooring for a bit longer. Voila! New(-ish) kitchen.

Cost: $0 so far (hoping the countertop is less than $100)

Steps to a home

I’ve been working on this one slowly. Mostly due to the lack of funds and sporadic home redecorating inspiration. I get those great DIY magazines (one even titled that) and often feel energized by the photos and potential. So I try to follow through when that energy hits (since it wanes too fast and then I’m left completely incapable of making decisions on color or fabric).

A few weeks ago, I decided to permanent-ize some inspiration and Sharpied a song on my bathroom wall (only the first verse):

It’s How You Live by Point of Grace

Wake up to the sunlight
With your windows open
Don’t hold in your anger or leave things unspoken
Wear your red dress
Use your good dishes
Make a big mess and make lots of wishes
Have what you want
But want what you have
And don’t spend your life lookin’ back

Turn up the music
Turn it up loud
Take a few chances
Let it all out
You won’t regret it
Lookin’ back from where you have been
Cuz it’s not who you knew
And it’s not what you did
It’s how you live

My kids hated it (they dislike most any change made to the house), but I like it. And have plans to add more uplifting words to other parts of the house where I have moments to reflect. So I’d love to hear from you and your favorite quotes! (Feel free to post in the comments)

Peace was with me

Before I hit the recent dreariness, I had an experience of peace. The kind I longed for in an earlier post. That moment when you feel that all is right in the world and you are where you are supposed to be.

Last month, my oldest son made the football all-star team and we went down to the professional football stadium so he could battle it out with teams across the country. In the previous day’s seeding contest, his team lost both games (with no score on our side) so our expectations were low (and assumed we’d only play the first game of the single elimination tournament). Then his best friend’s nose was broken on the field, minutes before game time, and the team found their heart.

They rallied around their fallen teammate and played like champions. The team halted the majority of the other team’s attempts to score or achieve first downs. They were impenetrable, stopping even the most dodgy player. Moments before halftime, my son caught a 45 yard pass, the ball soaring in the air and landing sweetly in his hands. It was magic. And on the last play, his team scored a second touchdown and had 7 seconds left in the game for a two-point conversion to tie it up. Piece of cake, but then, the sky opened up and lightening struck all around us.

It felt like a movie! We raced for cover and the teams were forced off the field. There would be no more football that day.

Yet, the energy and magic kept us pumping. We knew that even though the scoreboard argued one winner, our team was the real one. The ones who played with heart and spirit. Who showed that expectations should never be formed, and no one should be underestimated.

My son grew five inches that day and his confidence and strength continues to amaze me. When faced with difficult situations the last few weeks, he used that memory day to push forward to success. And although, unlike my son, I did dump out the pieces of turf from my shoes. But I hold on to the joy and sensations of that experience, and pull them out when I’m feeling defeated. Never wanting to forget the lessons of that day.

Getting stuck

In the natural ebb and flow of life, interest and excitement in a project comes and goes. I started the Apocalist with a strong desire to improve my life. To finally quiet that inner negative voice and start living my dreams. And I did. I took steps to make changes and do a few things I’ve been talking about forever (things my friends are probably so glad I’ve finally crossed off my conversation topic list).

But as most things, those strong desires for joy and improvement got pushed aside when my paycheck wasn’t meeting my needs and exhaustion set in. I felt selfish for paying highlighted hair or going out on a date (that’s another blog post) when I needed to focus on work and my children. Yes. Dreams got squashed by reality.

And how incredibly sucky is that?! Yes sucky- not the most collegiate word I could choose, but one that captures the feeling perfectly. Since I’ve stopped living my Apocalist, I’ve been so bone deep tired and cranky. No fun to be around.

So I argue, what good is working hard or focusing on your reality if you are miserable? What’s so wrong about dreaming? Or reaching for something that fuels your soul rather than your pocketbook?

So back to the list I go. I will see what I can do next…but will make sure to add in what I have done the past few weeks before I became so idle in my dreams.

And I challenge you…do not become idle in YOUR dreams…what’s next on your list?


Peace That’s Skin Deep

I admit I have a shallow side (see dreams of being blonde and getting a rockin’ ass for the summer). It’s not something I’m proud of, but there is a body I wish I could get back (i.e. the post-college/pre-babies body). I’m just vain enough to care, and I embrace it.

But there is also a stronger determination to build my inner self. The parts of me people can’t see and judge instantly. My tolerance, patience and kindness. And my capacity to love and forgive. So much of who I want to be is connected to how I want to live.

So today I add a new item on the list- under the Spirituality chapter. Inner Peace. Reassurance that I’m are in the right place at the right time in my life. Strong feelings of contentment, tolerance and patience. Joy that radiates from every pore. Smiles and laughter that enhance those crinkly lines by my eyes. Moments that take my breath away. Satisfaction, at the end of the day, that  I lived each hour as I want to be. 

I miss it…that sense of inner peace…and need to take steps to get it back!

Now I just need to figure out how!


I did it! Item #1 Going blonde- check!

So the pictures, if I ever download them, won’t do it justice, but I went blonde. Again, not major trashy blonde, but natural looking highlights (or as natural as you can get from processed aluminum foil). And I have failed to mention that I’m a low maintenance beauty queen- rarely any makeup in the summer and simple haircuts with a 5 minute style routine. So this is a big step for me.

My two friends who went to support me love it (although one is the hairdresser who chemicalled me so she’s understandably biased). In a few minutes I go to the schoolyard, the site of most of my social activity (if you have kids, you know what I mean). So we’ll see the reactions.

But no matter what anyone says, I’m happy. Not because of the lightness in my mane, but because I did something I’ve always wanted to do. Nothing held me back- not worry over finances, fears of what people would think, insecurities of how it would look. And that’s the ultimate freedom- living your dreams without fear!


Sun in My Hair

Today is the day- I’m going blonde! My appointment is at 12:30pm and yes, there is strong potential that I may be drinking throughout the hair processing! At least in my mind since I’ll have to pick up my kids from school afterward.

I admit I’m excited, tinged with nervous anxiety that I’ll look like an overprocessed bleached 80s flashback. Madonna’s Vogue is not the look I’m going for with this item on my list. What I want is the sense of freedom and joy that comes from being kissed by the summer sun. I’ve always felt that life feels better with a tan, just enough vitamin D to refuel your soul. And I’m looking forward to experiencing that sense in my hair.

Now this is not an argument that ‘blondes have more fun’ or that brunettes are dowdier or whatever stereotype you want to toss in here. My fun friend, K. said it best this morning when I called her for moral support- “You’ll love going blonde. You just feel lighter. Everything feels lighter.” And she’s a natural brunette like me and spends her winters dark, and summers highlighted so she has experienced the changes.

So we’ll see what happens. Hopefully it will be great. Hopefully my children will recognize me in the schoolyard. And forgive me. When I warned them I’d look a bit different, my oldest scrunched up his face a bit and said, “No, Mom, don’t. I like you just the way you are.” Now, how sweet is that?


And while I don’t plan on highlighting the ongoing natural chaos occuring in the world, I did find the opening news on Yahoo ironic: More Active Sun Means Nasty Solar Storms Ahead (which could have devastatingn results on our economic and technological advances) Isn’t it ironic?